Beautifully Un-Phased                c. 04/2021 

I scratch when I'm not present or feeling insecure

I thought i grew out of these feelings but how can I be sure

if I been dealing & not healing then what else is lying

raw beneath the surface just waiting to sound off?

People say I'm pretty but they never seen the battle

They'd be baffled

if they knew the comments in my head that's made when I be chattin

with myself

For my health is why I tell you I'm in skin care

And that's a part of it but it ain't all that's in there.

Coming from Mom is obligation, from myself, just affirmations,

but he desire to be confirmed is fucking me up in this matrix.

I know what I have. I know what I hold.

Trying to see past the hard crust to get the gold

is really bold when the wall that's being put up is hella old

and you kinda wanna fold

cause the work to tear it down is hard shit and you know..

Is it too much to ask to be called beautiful

when the physique and outer layer ain't exactly centerfold?

Trynna scrub it off daily; aloe, oils, butters, can't be

this hard to get my skin back to where I look & don't

hate me.

What I see, is something that can stand to be fixed.

And I get real ticked thinking about this predicament.

Like, how'd I even get here? I did everything right!

Eat good and wash daily, moisturize rising and night

But clearly I gotta get to "I love me, despite..."

Cause when I'm looking in the mirror and I don't like what's looking back,

I start to hear all the voices that used to attack:

The pointing & the laughing -- I'm just the butt of the joke

and when I try a rebuttal I just stand there and choke.

Cause they ain't said nothing fake.

The words they speaking be true.

Questions I never thought to ask like "Who'd be attracted to you?"

"Who'd think you was cute?"

Leaving it open ended for my mind to be consumed

I don't know.

That's the answer.

Cause I haven't met them yet.

And if I did, I'd know it cause I'd never forget.

I just wanna get to a place where I'm dripping with grace & good taste

and nothing about my outer takes the smile off my face.

I don't want pity compliments from people who "love" me

just trying to make me feel better in the moments of vulnerability.

I want to know it and feel it no matter what my skin do.

But I'm sensitive just like it so I gotta be careful.

Clearly there's more to heal, to discover, to face, to choose, to embrace

I wanna feel what it is to be beautifully un-phased.

Revelations
00:00 / 01:47

c. 09/2021

Rooted                                    c. 08/2021

I am the garden in the window sill

trying so desperately to get my fill

when unfulfilled beings try to come & steal

what the sun gives so freely & they test my will

to draw lines in the sand or the dirt I suppose

wishing i had thorns to turn them off like the rose

growing next to me but let them see what favor looks like 

when you release the control & surrender to light

I might, break you off a piece of all this knowledge I've gathered

let you turn it into wisdom so your world's not scattered

Pitter patter on the road thinking the latter is after

when the laughter is the ladder to the peace that you're after.

So you can go go and know growth & take notes,

watch videos, but soul glow ain't no hoe like that drip from your wash-n-go,

not sold in a bottle cause ain't no formula that cold.

So dig deep, plant your own seeds, ask Spirit how this life goes & grow

Over there. In your own lane, cause we not the same.

Got different dirt,  need different rain.

Growing different leaves, I wax, you wane

on different time, I reach, you hang.

So get your needs without crossing me while I blossom here on this window pane. 

The Moon
00:00 / 01:58

Greatness Freestyle                  c. 12/2020

Girrrrl what’s a lifestyle

Skyn only, no magnums

Thought you had him

Then I pulled up and bagged him

Thought I was gold but I turned out to be platinum

This ain’t yo scene so I grabbed yo bags and packed em

Don’t ask me what do I bring

Fuck all ya tables n tingz

Making my life outta dreams

I’m copping land overseas

The PJ hold 15

But with the pilot it’s 3

Real life magician, those beneath me neva see me

Chile, Of all the options, you chose to be basic

My bag got more than money so excuse me while I chase it

Imma make it

Real and neva faked it

I been hit with so much shit cause God said I can take it (AND DID)

Now here I am on the other side of growth

Using all these gems like some infinity stones

I’m in my greatness

I got em shaking

Think they going places but they running circles pacing

Stay hating and aiming — But they miss

Exposing holes in these cheesy niggas like Swiss

Bitch, You mixing messy, I don’t want what’s in yo dip

So you betta watch ya mouth before I break you like a chip

Shit, You’ll get hip and step it up and catch a grip

(I) Could fuck you up forreal, but for now I’ll just use the tip

c. 05/2020

Saturn Scriptures             c. 04/2020

You used to whisper ‘thank you’ in my ear

And suddenly you’re not here.

You used to pipe me downnnnn

Now you’re nowhere to be found.

How profound?

To be missing the sound of a silent voice

Known for holding it all in until feeling void of choice

Like the screams we often murmured out of consideration

During visitations forbidden.

Public physical contact but intimacy hidden

I was scared a’ you!

Bold! And Confident!

No fucks given — As you should!

But I knew the bed we made and lied in couldn’t lead to any good

So there you stood, astounded

That I was so grounded

And wouldn’t let you toy with me any longer

For I was beginning to know my worth and that alone made my value stronger.

Oh, how costly it became to spend time on you

So much energy pretending we could make it nu,

Clinging desperately to mirages of what was once true:

The rush of intertwining with your essence hidden from view.

Yearns for your caress and firm grip held my attention until you

Showed up to make naughty day dreams come true.

But when smoke faded and bodies collapsed onto their respected paths

And connections tanked and growth is happened fast

And honesty finally broke the bondages that held us back

The whisper I returned fell on ether’s ears instead of you.

c. 11/2020           Unpoplular Opinion

 

Our stolen ancestors didn’t fight and die for our right to vote. They fought for equality and being able to vote was just one way they thought they’d accomplish that. In all this time, don’t you think this country, that was never meant to be a safe haven or place of comfort, never meant to be our home, has reconfigured their system to be able to seemingly give us what we ask for while actually achieving what they had planned all along? I am no longer a willing participant in a game that not only I never asked to play but that has been rigged for centuries to my detriment.

 

I’m not living in a fantasy; I’m letting Spirit guide me to a new reality.

**All You Read and Hear are Original Works Directly From the Pen of Kadijah Raquel**

STEP UP                                                     c. 12/2021

’Tis the season to stop giving reasons

To run from the deep end & pretend to see none

Of the ways you get in the way.

In a daze for days in foggy haze from your habits you say you got control of

The fray & disarray that further dismays

The release from this continuous maze

Aren’t you sick of your shit?

Tired of running from present moments?

No hits

Slick shifts or discontent

Can amount to the bricks you building with—

But your crib must be a tent.

No foundation keeping your place from blowing like toothpicks in the wind.

When?

Time & time again you ask.

Sent help through your friend, it ain’t last.

Glad you finally took off the mask, but

When were you gone sit and ask what to do?

How to move?

Through modes and versions of truth that keep you the most you

In proof

And full hue

Wide view

Cause no one does what you do.

Not the way you finesse or dress or grow through them tests

Or confess & attest

To being the one ripping hearts out of chests

Whether it was your intention or

Results of karmic conditions

But now you moving forward & niggas think that you trippin.

 

’Tis the season

To give reason

For the faith, trust, & surrender

Following Spirit like I’m the fan club president and most active member.

My whole life shifted on the 1st of September, I remember

A lot of pain & trauma resurfaced for healing over dealing

For feeling & revealing

Releasing, breathing, peeling back the layers of the building

The brick, mortar, concrete & dry wall

Insulation of coping to avoid it all

Demolition w/o restriction

It was meant to fall.

Every room, every hall,

Spring, summer, fall

And winter is when I got the full picture

God tried to show me but I missed her

So she circled back around cause her love

Is that profound.

Had to step back to really see—

My God’s bigger.

c. 08/2021          A Bird's Eye View 

I am the bird that soars above

that wears a crown and has a belly full of love

Wingspan bigger than that of the whole

Where I'm going only Spirit knows.

All others that fly besides

are no bigger than the twinkles in my eye.

Staying focused and keeping my sight high

Floating on the breeze, making movements slight

I'm enjoying this height.

No plight or fights.

Just lights from the stars I've seemed to drift towards

In the orbits i'm engorged with power

that shoots me beyond this time.

And you don't have to get it cause this experience is mine.

It's my time.