C ouR Luv c. 12/2025
" I just see your smile when I close my eyes sometimes"
And immediately I felt a tingle that makes me replicate that smile as it
travels down towards my thighs
Am I high?
Must've vibrated above a comfortable frequency
Cause niggas don't say shit like this to me frequently
A freak, they see
Put here to be
The fantasy they've dreamt of since the age of 14
Never thinking
that I'm my own person with autonomy
& the choice to choose to NOT have you touch me.
Don't get too close
Don't look too hard
Don't breathe on me!
Cause the "ain't-shits" in the "can't" fits thinking they "can't fit" making it
hard for the intended to see me.
MOVE!
You're blocking the view!
No longer have to scream that cause the clear sighted are starting to pursue
"I just see your smile when I close my eyes sometimes; I hope that don't
sound corny"
Great.
Now I’m horny.
Cause the romance I’ve always wanted has started in my DM
At 11:50PM
Causing me to realize — “Wait! This nigga want ME?!”
Surreal.
I kinda like how this feels.
Cause feels that feel real when reality has felt less than it should feels good so
Imma keep this feeling.
Body remember.
So when anybody tries ever again to make me audition for what I deserve, by
birth, I can point back to December and render those niggas useless.
Cause my smile fills daydreams & makes real men wanna close the eyes early
ike they waiting to catch St. Nick.
Corny?!
I live for poetry embodied.
It’s how I’ve always imagined my love story to bode…
Knees buckling under the safety he whispers & holds,
Seeing rainbows over his head while our hearts unfold,
Sharing stories with each other that’ve never been told
Outside of silent cries from broken hearts & dreams left in the cold.
“Them shooters be shooting!”
But they don’t usually shoot this way.
Not the ones with pure intentions & respectful approach in the chamber
It’s usually the ones that get told ‘no’ and resort to anger.
All-of-a-sudden Imma stuck up bitch
Who wasn’t that cute to begin with
Get this.
Yea, them shooters be shootin.
So when I’m the intended target, it’s FELT.
Genuine.
Bonafide.
Speaking sweet nothings in hopes I melt,
Into him.
Into a dance.
Enchanted by first glance.
Unknowing of the strength it took to put out my hy hand,
And say, “No, thank you.”
Wow.
I’ve never had that chance.
To turn down a worthy offer from an actual MAN.
Not a little boy pretending he can
Give me all I’m worth
Cause the girth
Of my magick is too much for him to grasp in his hands
And his mama didn’t teach him how to step with a plan:
Well-thought;
He wasn’t taught
To NOT play Superman
To every crying eye, trynna wipe tears with Jackson & Grant.
But a MAN?!
One who’s done the work
Well, at first
Sight it seems
Because we
Have yet to speak below the surface outside of his dreams.
He has no idea the joy he’s brought me.
A reflection of MY growth by what’s attracted to me
Now.
“I just see your smile when I close my eyes sometimes.”
Thank you, beautiful man.
For seeing
Me.
DID YOU THINK...? c.07/2025
Did you think I wouldn’t notice that you unfollowed me? After making such a big deal about seeing everything I tweet.
Did you think I wouldn’t notice that crystal in your hand? When you confronted me, accusing me of publicly calling you a bad man.
Did you think I wouldn’t notice your attempts to emulate my actions? By no longer watching my stories, were you hoping to get a reaction?
Did you think I wouldn’t notice how you tried to flip the script? When I asked about your self-discoveries the same way you’d be on my tip. And then you tried to deny it!
Did you think I wouldn’t notice your attempts to “do better”? Even though your depth and consistency are as fickle as Michigan weather. Because you “try” that’s supposed to be enough? But when l given chances to implement change, most times you bluff. And the other stuff you actually do, most times make it worse, then you turn around & try to blame me as if my requests were cursed.
Did you think I wouldn’t notice your sudden loss of interest and giving of attention? Every time our short lived convos became about me and my ascension. And never mind your retention…
Did you think I wouldn’t notice your compliments on my appearance? Whenever you started to suffer from my intentional distance.
Did you think I wouldn’t notice your attempts to reconnect? Constant invites to be vulnerable after the blatant and consistent disrespect? What the heck?!
Be fucking forreal.
Trying to reel me back, little by little.
As if what you’ve done deserves an acquittal.
Solve this riddle!
What do you call a man, who has no real plan
Of rectifying his wrongs and not repeating them again?
He avoids accountability like the plague, but everyone thinks he’s so great, ignorant to the fact that I’VE been dealing with his rage. Harnessing its power and trying to teach him to do the same.
Someone whose definition of respect to a friend is putting them in triggering situations over and over again.
What do you call a man who’s enticed by the idea of me, but lacks the capacity for the responsibility it takes to really love me?
(SN: I’m convinced this nigga don’t even LIKE me. Not forreal! He’s shown me! Cause if you like someone, don’t you consider how they feel? And make an effort to remember when they kept it real? Showing you parts of themselves that aren’t often revealed while simultaneously helping you learn to feel? And heal?)
Anyway,
What do you call a man who wants to be in control but doesn’t even know what he doesn’t know?
Ignoring the experiences of those he upholds on pedestals that strip away their humanity as life continues to unfold.
Even though! He so boldly proclaims to want to know about the stories behind the scars that have been bravely shown.
In confidence.
Because I believed you could handle it. Hold it. Respect it. Keep it safe. Consider it. When making decisions that could and would shape me moving forward in existence.
Have any guesses? Any notions of the answer? What do you call a man whose narcissistic traits spread like cancer?
What do you call a man that repeats the same offense hoping to get off scot-free? With no thoughts of consequence while preaching laws of reciprocity. The hypocrisy!
A character trait I LOATHE.
What do you call a man that’s been warned about the fire, but still wanna touch this hot stove?
A man that knows—intellectually—how to fix what’s been broken. He’s been told & shown & assisted & open. Annotations, reminders, hints, & straight answers. But still missing the pointe like a jazz dancer.
Empty promises, lack of follow-through, no regard for the emotional experience of anyone outside of you. The same apology for the same offense. We got a repeat offender! Ain’t no approaching the bench!
You can’t appeal to this court & there’s no chance of parole. What do you call a man who’s lost the other half of his soul?
You.
Beautifully Un-Phased c. 04/2021
I scratch when I'm not present or feeling insecure
I thought i grew out of these feelings but how can I be sure
if I been dealing & not healing then what else is lying
raw beneath the surface just waiting to sound off?
People say I'm pretty but they never seen the battle
They'd be baffled
if they knew the comments in my head that's made when I be chattin
with myself
For my health is why I tell you I'm in skin care
And that's a part of it but it ain't all that's in there.
Coming from Mom is obligation, from myself, just affirmations,
but he desire to be confirmed is fucking me up in this matrix.
I know what I have. I know what I hold.
Trying to see past the hard crust to get the gold
is really bold when the wall that's being put up is hella old
and you kinda wanna fold
cause the work to tear it down is hard shit and you know..
Is it too much to ask to be called beautiful
when the physique and outer layer ain't exactly centerfold?
Trynna scrub it off daily; aloe, oils, butters, can't be
this hard to get my skin back to where I look & don't
hate me.
What I see, is something that can stand to be fixed.
And I get real ticked thinking about this predicament.
Like, how'd I even get here? I did everything right!
Eat good and wash daily, moisturize rising and night
But clearly I gotta get to "I love me, despite..."
Cause when I'm looking in the mirror and I don't like what's looking back,
I start to hear all the voices that used to attack:
The pointing & the laughing -- I'm just the butt of the joke
and when I try a rebuttal I just stand there and choke.
Cause they ain't said nothing fake.
The words they speaking be true.
Questions I never thought to ask like "Who'd be attracted to you?"
"Who'd think you was cute?"
Leaving it open ended for my mind to be consumed
I don't know.
That's the answer.
Cause I haven't met them yet.
And if I did, I'd know it cause I'd never forget.
I just wanna get to a place where I'm dripping with grace & good taste
and nothing about my outer takes the smile off my face.
I don't want pity compliments from people who "love" me
just trying to make me feel better in the moments of vulnerability.
I want to know it and feel it no matter what my skin do.
But I'm sensitive just like it so I gotta be careful.
Clearly there's more to heal, to discover, to face, to choose, to embrace
I wanna feel what it is to be beautifully un-phased.
Rooted c. 08/2021
I am the garden in the window sill
trying so desperately to get my fill
when unfulfilled beings try to come & steal
what the sun gives so freely & they test my will
to draw lines in the sand or the dirt I suppose
wishing i had thorns to turn them off like the rose
growing next to me but let them see what favor looks like
when you release the control & surrender to light
I might, break you off a piece of all this knowledge I've gathered
let you turn it into wisdom so your world's not scattered
Pitter patter on the road thinking the latter is after
when the laughter is the ladder to the peace that you're after.
So you can go go and know growth & take notes,
watch videos, but soul glow ain't no hoe like that drip from your wash-n-go,
not sold in a bottle cause ain't no formula that cold.
So dig deep, plant your own seeds, ask Spirit how this life goes & grow
Over there. In your own lane, cause we not the same.
Got different dirt, need different rain.
Growing different leaves, I wax, you wane
on different time, I reach, you hang.
So get your needs without crossing me while I blossom here on this window pane.
STEP UP c. 12/2021
’Tis the season to stop giving reasons
To run from the deep end & pretend to see none
Of the ways you get in the way.
In a daze for days in foggy haze from your habits you say you got control of
The fray & disarray that further dismays
The release from this continuous maze
Aren’t you sick of your shit?
Tired of running from present moments?
No hits
Slick shifts or discontent
Can amount to the bricks you building with—
But your crib must be a tent.
No foundation keeping your place from blowing like toothpicks in the wind.
When?
Time & time again you ask.
Sent help through your friend, it ain’t last.
Glad you finally took off the mask, but
When were you gone sit and ask what to do?
How to move?
Through modes and versions of truth that keep you the most you
In proof
And full hue
Wide view
Cause no one does what you do.
Not the way you finesse or dress or grow through them tests
Or confess & attest
To being the one ripping hearts out of chests
Whether it was your intention or
Results of karmic conditions
But now you moving forward & niggas think that you trippin.
’Tis the season
To give reason
For the faith, trust, & surrender
Following Spirit like I’m the fan club president and most active member.
My whole life shifted on the 1st of September, I remember
A lot of pain & trauma resurfaced for healing over dealing
For feeling & revealing
Releasing, breathing, peeling back the layers of the building
The brick, mortar, concrete & dry wall
Insulation of coping to avoid it all
Demolition w/o restriction
It was meant to fall.
Every room, every hall,
Spring, summer, fall
And winter is when I got the full picture
God tried to show me but I missed her
So she circled back around cause her love
Is that profound.
Had to step back to really see—
My God’s bigger.
c. 08/2021 A Bird's Eye View
I am the bird that soars above
that wears a crown and has a belly full of love
Wingspan bigger than that of the whole
Where I'm going only Spirit knows.
All others that fly besides
are no bigger than the twinkles in my eye.
Staying focused and keeping my sight high
Floating on the breeze, making movements slight
I'm enjoying this height.
No plight or fights.
Just lights from the stars I've seemed to drift towards
In the orbits i'm engorged with power
that shoots me beyond this time.
And you don't have to get it cause this experience is mine.
It's my time.
c. 07/2021 SOLO
I miss the way your laugh would encourage mine.
I miss feeling your fingers on the nape of my spine
I miss being able to wine & dine & buy your flowers all the time.
I miss watching your discover things that make you shine
I miss feeling your lips on mine and other places
Keep count of the times I made you make those faces
And the moments between us where holding you felt good &
nothing else mattered or at least it felt like nothing could
Watching you watch me scream at the TV
Cooking naked, dancing for you, doing anything you need.
Whatever it took to make you smile was good enough for me
Sharing secrets, wiping tears, facing fears, learning to breathe.
I miss being the one you'd run to
for anything that happened to or for you.
Being the one that made you feel safe & sound
when no one else stuck around -- that was me.
The love I have for you runs seriously deep.
But I can't keep drowning myself making sure you're the one that's
pleased.
That goes for any capacity.
I'm just trying to apply the lesson.
I can't be your lover, it's too hard to be friends
I'm in too vulnerable a state to say I'll choose me in the end.
At least right now.
Cause my heart is hurting sum'n crazy & it feels like it won't mend.
But it's not all you. It's not your fault.
I got some shit I need to fix.
Like seeing your potential & interacting with you like she
currently exists.
Or letting shit slide cause I feel it's something I can help fix..
Or letting you toy with my heart and giving you what you want
Even if it wasn't "on purpose"
yea, that was my fault.
I'm grateful for EVERY lesson, memeory, moment, experience,
feeling
But I have to close this door
It's karmic cycles I'm ending
And you are the physical representation of habits familiar to me
And I gotta let it go to get what's coming for me.
All I've manifested has been waiting for me
But I've been too busy pushing your greatness, I've been neglecting
me.
Now I'm in this in-between & I can feel my world shifting
And going through it alone is something really different.
Cause I'm so used to sharing every step but now I'm missing
A friend.
My person in this time.
You.
Doing things alone is not something I'm used to.
But if I want the things I've dreamt of to last longer than
just my lifetime,
I gotta learn to pour into me & make my own light shine.
I gotta heal little Dijah and build my self-esteem.
I gotta be the cheerleader for my OWN team.
I can't play 2 games at once -- performing halftime for me AND you.
Cause I run the risk of getting caught back in the loop.
I gotta be my own friend, my own lover, my own companion.
So right now, at this moment, here is where I'm standing:
I gotta be your roommate. Nothing more, nothing less.
I gotta keep the boundaries so we both can do our best.
Cause I love you too much right now & every day I face temptation
Of running back to you and becoming stagnant & complacent.
c. 09/2021
c. 05/2020
Saturn Scriptures c. 04/2020
You used to whisper ‘thank you’ in my ear
And suddenly you’re not here.
You used to pipe me downnnnn
Now you’re nowhere to be found.
How profound?
To be missing the sound of a silent voice
Known for holding it all in until feeling void of choice
Like the screams we often murmured out of consideration
During visitations forbidden.
Public physical contact but intimacy hidden
I was scared a’ you!
Bold! And Confident!
No fucks given — As you should!
But I knew the bed we made and lied in couldn’t lead to any good
So there you stood, astounded
That I was so grounded
And wouldn’t let you toy with me any longer
For I was beginning to know my worth and that alone made my value stronger.
Oh, how costly it became to spend time on you
So much energy pretending we could make it nu,
Clinging desperately to mirages of what was once true:
The rush of intertwining with your essence hidden from view.
Yearns for your caress and firm grip held my attention until you
Showed up to make naughty day dreams come true.
But when smoke faded and bodies collapsed onto their respected paths
And connections tanked and growth is happened fast
And honesty finally broke the bondages that held us back
The whisper I returned fell on ether’s ears instead of you.
Greatness Freestyle c. 12/2020
Girrrrl what’s a lifestyle
Skyn only, no magnums
Thought you had him
Then I pulled up and bagged him
Thought I was gold but I turned out to be platinum
This ain’t yo scene, so I grabbed yo bags and packed em
Don’t ask me what do I bring
Fuck all ya tables n tingz
Making my life outta dreams
I’m copping land overseas
The PJ hold 15
But with the pilot it’s 3
Real life magician, those beneath me neva see me
Chile, Of all the options, you chose to be basic
My bag got more than money, so excuse me while I chase it
Imma make it
Real and neva faked it
I been hit with so much shit cause God said I can take it (AND DID)
Now here I am on the other side of growth
Using all these gems like some infinity stones
I’m in my greatness
I got em shaking
Think they going places but they running circles, pacing
Stay hating and aiming — But they miss
Exposing holes in these cheesy niggas like Swiss
Bitch, You mixing messy, I don’t want what’s in yo dip
So you betta watch ya mouth before I break you like a chip
Shit, You’ll get hip and step it up and catch a grip
(I) Could fuck you up forreal, but for now I’ll just use the tip